Inspiration for the interpretation of the card „Moon / Luna”
For illustration of the card Moon/Luna I chose one of my own experiences.
My most favourite painting I once lost and then found again. Moreover, they are two paintings in one.
It's the first painting I have ever done and what is more with oil colours. Fortunately I also took a photograph of the original painting, so you can compare them. The original oil painting was made while I was in a boarding house, where I lived with my first wife and our son. It was just one small room and a small kitchen. It was only an emergency living, because before that we lived with my mother-in-law, who I today admire immensely, but at that time I couldn't stand living with her in one flat (she is a Taurus, I am a Scorpio) and so I opted for a boarding house and my life. It was during the totalitarian regime, but I was going after my dream. I worked in propagation and I was going to an evening arts school. I inherited oil paint and an easel after my grandfather, who was a game-keeper and painted beautiful naïve landscapes. And so I started to work. Moreover, I had a turpentine and linseed oil to dilute the paint with and I later read that it was the same oil the old masters used. Of course, the easel and the paints were in the one small room where we lived. And most importantly, so I don't forget, the difference between the two oils is that turpentine oil is matte and it dries quickly, but the linseed oil is beautifully shiny, unfortunately, it takes a couple of weeks to dry. And I started to paint a mermaid. A mysterious portrait in the sea waves.
It was connected to my life back then. I might have been fulfilling my dreams, I was an artist, I was studying at an arts school, I had a beautiful wife, a son I longed for, I managed to get of suicides and alcoholism, but I guess you cannot take too much happiness at once. The painting was becoming my flight from reality, into the limitless nature and idealized man.
And thanks to the linseed oil, there was no end in sight. I painted something and I had to wait for weeks before it dried and only then I could continue. Yes, all clouds have a silver lining. Today I know it was supposed to be like that. It took me more than six months to finish the painting. Finish is not the right word. I didn't have the courage to continue. So I decided it was finished. For me it was finished at the time because when I looked at it, I saw the six month struggle, but mostly I felt it inside me, in a nice creative sort of way.
And years went by. In fact, more than ten years when I was looking at the picture every day and as time went by I felt an urge to finish it, because I had moved forward. And that is the danger with an oil painting, because unlike pastel colour, it can still be redone. And that happened at a time when I had already finished tenths of pictures, but I also had that feeling of a split inside, when I needed to unify my inner self again. So I sat in front of the painting for some time and suddenly I saw it. Medusa. Her bewitching gaze that turns everyone into stone, above all I. Suffering and punishment. I took the paints and gradually painted and most of all the gaze, bewitching, accusing, at the same time understanding, and whichever side you are looking from, it always follows you:
“Stop tormenting yourself, I am watching you. You gave your suffering to me. So, when you are at your wit's ends, look into my eyes and you will see yourself, your suffering. So start finally living your life!”
Just look at her. I look at her all the time. She is hanging on my wall and watching me, although she doesn't have to anymore.
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